What's The Deal With Motivation?

Why do you think we give up?

I have a constant struggle with motivation. It's the bedraggled knot in my hair that refuses to untangle, despite all my best efforts.

I give up so easily sometimes that I wonder if I even tried at all. Why is that? Why do we have the urge to crawl under the covers and stay buried beneath our self-loathing? Why do we ignore the solutions when they're so dutifully presented before us - often gift-wrapped in phone apps and fit-bit watches and to-do lists? Why is it so difficult to tick those boxes on our self help guides and remain focused on the task at hand?

I honestly do not know. I can only guess.

Perhaps it is the fear of obtaining what we always believed unobtainable. Perhaps it is the knowledge that if we achieve our goals, that won't be the end of it - we'll have to create new goals for new paths, and such a cycle must be never-ending - and that concept overwhelms us.

I know that for myself, I recently achieved a goal I'd set for myself years ago. I wanted to find a new job... and I did. This job has been excellent for me. It's challenging and stimulating and despite the fact my co-workers swear like sailors (something I'm trying to get used to but it's not ideal!) they're a fantastic bunch of people who are helpful and generous and hilarious and I like them immensely.

And yet, I remain unsatisfied.

My mind is already searching for the next step, then recoiling at the idea of taking it. What are my dreams now? I ask myself. How long will it take to find them? I detest the notion that I may be working towards something else that will take me another 7 years to reach. Somehow, I can empathise with those who become drifters. To move between places without any true purpose except to explore and learn and see sounds wonderful.

It also sounds dreadful.

I'm trying to reassure myself that this is just a low point in an otherwise important shift in my life. I know that motivation will come at some stage, forceful yet fleeting, and push me towards another goal. Ah, but I am an impatient sort. I don't enjoy feeling lethargic or depressed. Giving up shouldn't be an option, but I fear it is. May I somehow ignore it in favour of trying. Maybe motivation will be my friend next time. Maybe. I hope.

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