As I reflect on the year that has passed, the first word that comes to mind is "emotional."
To me, it has been an emotional year.
Carrie Fisher was a cruel addition to the fray of beloved entertainers we've lost this year. I felt physically exhausted at learning of her death - as if 2016 hadn't taken enough already, here it was dragging another into oblivion.
It has been a tough year for many. I know friends who have lost jobs, homes, pets and loved ones. Heartache and sorrow have been unwelcome companions amidst a torrent of shitty circumstances.
And yet, I cannot feel an all-consuming hatred for 2016 (as much as aspects of it might deserve such disdain). There were also a number of good things to come out of this year. I, for one, successfully applied for a new job and began my career in media. Friends of mine welcomed babies into their lives. Others got engaged or married. Some even overcame the worst of their despair and found meaning in overseas adventures, challenging jobs and sweet new relationships.
It's easy to want 2016 to be over... to desire the pain go away. But truthfully, we cannot escape our mortality. It nips at our heels even as we run our fastest. It waits and watches. One day it will come for us, and we won't be able to stop it. We are forced to accept that everything has a beginning and an end. This does not mean we squander the space in-between.
If I can find solace in one thing regarding Carrie's death, it's that I know she relished the time she had. She wrote and spoke and inspired with her words. She acted and joked and remained faithful to herself. She lived. We can mourn for us - for the loss of her bright, fantastical spark in the fabric of this world - but we cannot mourn for her. She dared to face her fears and slay her demons. She made the seconds count. For that, she achieved everything.
Rest in peace, Carrie Fisher. You are the force and the force is with you.